Let’s see you explain this one Peter
Wednesday, 12 Mar 2025
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They did shitposting back in 4500-1900BC
Ha! Thats a good one.
I might be insane but hear me out :
What if there was a word for eye that was also used for holes, or maybe eye was a euphemism for anus.
The dog says “I can’t see, I’ll open this one” could then mean opening their butthole.
Thus, Dog goes into a tavern and poops.
(edit: typo)
Its incomprehensible to the people of today. there is no joke because we do not understand the context. think of it like this. I say “A man walks into a bar and says ‘Ouch’.”
That joke only works because the word in English for Bar, an outstretched piece of architecture and a place were you can buy alcohol are the same. now if the English language changed to where Bar only meant a place to drink alcohol, the joke wouldn’t make any sense anymore. if you continue on to the point where there isn’t even any Bar’s (maybe they got banned or something) the joke would be incomprehensible.
So think of the previous process repeated for literal millennia and you get this. it clearly is a joke but we have absolutely no idea how its supposed to be humorous besides the literal translation of the words.
Ancient Peter here.
It’s porn. It’s always porn. No idea how, but the one thing I know is that it’s always porn. Or maybe racism.
Ancient Peter out.
I assumed the dog walked into the tavern (blindfolded or closing both his eyes).
Remarked he couldn’t see a thing.
Realised it might be better if he opened at least one eye.
Most likely it’s a mistranslation.
I’ve researched this for real. The best theories are
a) The word “open” was what you did for a tunic, which is what people wore everywhere. So the dog opens someone’s tunic. Kinda bawdy.
b) The dog has been stumbling around in the dark because he’s unable to decide which eye to open. When he finally stumbles into the tavern, which is probably where a dog doesn’t want to be, he comes up with the bright idea of finally deciding which one to open. Not at all bawdy and kind of a proverb about indecision (this “joke” was found in a book of proverbs so I think this one is the more likely interpretation)
Taverns must of been dark back in those days
ngl i feel like it has something to do with the small stature of a dog compared to a human, and that the labels of beverage barrels were on the top, where the dog couldn’t see. but that’s a complete fuckin guess because i know nothing about sumerian life lol
It could be related to the joke-
“I am not drunk, bartender. I can clearly see that one-eyed midget coming in.”
“You’re cut off. That is not a midget, it is a dog. And it is leaving, not coming in.”
Dog walks into the tavern.
Tavern is dimly lit, so Dog can’t tell what he wants to drink.
“I’ll open this one” is a reference to the cask he cracks based on his sense of smell, which dogs have more superior versions of than humans.
Dog sniffed it out.
To Man, it didn’t matter. Man gets drunk on whatever swill he’s served.
Dog was an alcohol connoisseur and is mocking Man for his simple taste and easy pleasure.
Source: I was an Anunnaki comedian in a past life.
Misspelled dog for God. tavern for space and open this one is the big bang. its the same as “Let there be light!”
They didn’t invented the bong yet, so their vision wasn’t so clear back in that days
maybe more than a joke was a complaint that the place was just too dank and dark. like *”good grief, even a dog can’t see a freaking thing in here, guys (and the smell, by ereshkigal, wtf!!)”*
The dog represents a blind man grabbing whatever is available to drink as a satiric depiction of alcoholics at a bar. People in the past were not stupid.
You just had to be there
“Ishkur, your joke makes no sense.”
“That’s the whole point, Lugal-zagesi! It’s not supposed to make sense! It’s absurdism!”
“I am so tired of your postmodern deconstructionism, Ishkur. So tired.”
Oh this one’s easy:
𐎠 𐎣𐎮𐎦 𐎼𐎠𐎫𐎪𐎤𐎣 𐎨𐎭𐏂𐎮 𐎠 𐎡𐎠𐎱 𐎠𐎭𐎣 𐎽𐎠𐎨𐎣, “i 𐎢𐎠𐎭 𐎭𐎮𐏂 𐎽𐎤𐎤 𐎠 𐏂𐎧𐎨𐎭𐎦. I’ll 𐎮𐎯𐎤𐎭 𐏂𐎧𐎨𐎽 𐎮𐎭𐎤. ”
Im thinking its that the tavern smells like shit.
So the dog, looking for a bar, and blind, smells shit and assumes thats the tavern and enters.
It makes sense if the word open is a mistranslation for a word meaning ‘to enter’
ur-gir-re ec-dam-ce in-kur-ma
nij na-me igi nu-mu-un-du
ne-en jal taka-en-e-ce
😂😂
Well, vision and oepning things have only one thing in common; windows. So maybe the joke is absurdist that a dog is opening a window or something.
I kinda frankestained a theory after reading various take on the topic: apparently in sumerian proverbs the dog signify a brute, an individual without shame nor pudor, one the other hand a tavern used to also often double as a house of pleasure where the prostitution would happen in secluded parts of the building, given this I think that the point of the joke would be that the dog entering in the tavern and don’t seeing any action against every form of public courtesy and common sense of the time simply opened a random door where almost surely someone was having “fun”
hahahahahahaha * laughing a very old laughter*
Ngl I was expecting someone to answer in ancient sumerian.
For anyone wanting a bit of a read with more context, information and history about this joke, [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/s/obafwZ4ZaE) comment from an older post on r/AskHistorians has some very interesting theories and information.
Still funnier than anything Bert kreischer has said
Where is the original text in Sumerian? I used to study it so I have somewhat of a grasp of grammar and vocabulary lists. If I’m lucky I can figure out if it is a pun or a double entendre or what.
Hi Peter, Sumerian cousin here. The person who made the joke was not funny at all, in fact he was stoned to death.
It’s a dick joke.
They served beer with big straws in a vat (this is seen in ancient illustrations). The bars weren’t well lit, the dog is at crotch level…
He grabbed someone’s dick thinking he’d get beer.
Another thing to consider is what if it wasn’t actually a dog? Maybe the word for dog was also slang for some type of person. Don’t know what the rest could mean, but the dog part might be different than we think.
Peters beer snob cousin here.
Wild fermented beers are made with wild natural yeasts called brettanomyces and lactobacillus. These yeasts produce flavors and smells that are acidic and smell like a barn, urine, or a wet basement sometimes. In high amounts plus heat and off flavors, it is not unlike a sweaty crotch which is also smelly because of yeasts and fungus.
The dog at eye level can not see in the crowded bar and thus goes for the nearest beer smelling thing. Since he cant open beers with his hands, he uses his mouth. Thus the dog bites a patrons dick.
A non-daily-bathing ancient sumerian would understand that a crowded bar at the time smells like a bunch of dirty dicks for the same reason you understand that those trees in summer smell like jizz.
Beer snob out.
“I’ll open this one.” Aaahahahahaha that dumb dog.
When the walls fell.
Ill explain the joke: it’s because the tavern in Kish was at Kubaba up the hursag, anyways it had no lights or windows because it was a cave and all the different beer was actually the same beer with a different name.
The Tavern was named “the blind hound”
The word blind in translation is similar to the word gluttonous/drunk.
It plays on the absurd humour of an anthropomorphic dog, and the wordplay of blind and drunk.
He is drunk and can’t see straight, he is also gluttonous and opens and drinks more than he needs.
This jokes explanation was also just made up by myself.
Oh I can actually explain this one! None of this is confirmed but it’s our best guess given the historical context:
At the time this joke was written, bars and brothels were often the same. Meaning, you could go for a drink or go to hire a sex worker.
Back then, people opened beer bottles (or the Sumerian equivalent) with their teeth
So the dog goes into a bar/brothel, can’t see, mistakes something else for a bottle, and opens it with his teeth!
The joke is that a dog bites a guy’s dick
“A naked blonde walks into a bar, carrying a poodle under one arm and a 6 foot salami under the other. The Bartender says, ‘So, I don’t suppose you’d be needing a drink?’ The blonde says……”
racist porn
he called Homer a dog (he is blind)
Something about it being too dark in the tavern, because, you know, candles and shit. Maybe it’s a joke about not being able to see well inside, and either the bartender doesn’t notice the dog, or the dog doesn’t notice what it’s “opening.”
Idk though I feel like opening would be something different because they probably didn’t have like bottles they opened. Maybe that other guy talking about the dog opening up his butthole is right and the joke is still something about not being able to see that it’s a bar at all and shitting inside?
Ancient Peter’s onto something bet the first tavern argument was over who liked the *wrong* hieroglyphic art. Classic internet vibes, 4500 BC edition!
From my ancient Peter analysis..
It has something to do with the alcohol being served with something with eyes on it or eyes in general, and he can’t see a thing so he decides to open his eye or something with an eye
Knowing humans, the joke is probably porn.