AIO I’m hanging out at my friend’s house and I asked my mom to sleep over. Is this response normal?
Wednesday, 12 Mar 2025
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You’re 20 and have to ask permission for stuff like this?
Damn. Mom’s got a mouth on her lmfao.
My mom had similar responses to me growing up.
She still claims I was out “all hours of the night god knows where with god knows who” (at 17 I became a help scout-leader, providing backup at hikes etc with the younger scouts, “god knows where” was the area of woods we had our cabin in, “god knows who” was the scoutleaders she has known since I was 6 and her taking offence I couldn’t vouch for the family history of each of the kids. One of them could have a drugdealer dad that would come too short us all. Apparently).
My only advice is save your money and become independent.
Jesus Christ that is not a normal way for a mother to speak to her child. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this and I genuinely hope you can put a little distance between y’all and heal from it.
If you haven’t already, look at the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. I’ve seldom felt so validated by a book and I get the feeling it might be helpful for you too.
For what it’s worth, you should be so proud of yourself for how calmly you communicate compared to your parent. 😤 Also you are an amazing artist and seem like you’re really cool.
you’re an adult. do what you need to to gain independence from your parents. they sound emotionally immature and controlling.
Jeeez, your mother really is a bit of a control freak here. I know she’s worried about you but you gotta be able to breathe 🙈
Does your friend have lice?
No. No more asking permission. You’re grown. And it’s fairly obvious they’ve given you a car to hold it over your head.
That’s some insane parenting there. Coming from a mother of 5, one of which is 25 and moved out. I have never spoken to my children in this way. Sorry, your parents are shittty OP.
this is not a normal response from a mother of a 20 year old adult. if it is your car, registered under your name legally they cannot take it. my advice would be to save up your money and get away from them. this sounds like emotional abuse.
Honey if it’s not their car why are you asking them to help you Uber home? Just take your car with you, stay the night, and drive your car back tomorrow. Asking for permission to slwepvwr and help with an Uber is one of the reasons you are stuck in this creepy dynamic.
Context is in OPs profile comments on a deleted post- drove their car into a “puddle” and wrote the car off roughly 4 months ago.
Additionally, another post a month or so before of another car accident they were involved in.
OP claims this car is theirs but all signs point to it being their parents.
20 asking permission is wild
Is there more to the story? Because the hair comment makes me think there might be. I feel like your mom has some bad experiences with this person. At 20 though, I mean.. you are an adult and you can do what you want, but if you are living at home you also should respect that space. Do you pay rent?
Why can’t you drive at night? You stated you weren’t drinking. The fuck is their problem. I was staying out all hours at 16 when I had my own car. Only rule was don’t wake them up or face the wrath.
You’re 20. You know you don’t have to live with them, right?
Do you pay rent to your parents? Do you pay the vehicle’s operational costs (fuel, insurance, tires, repairs, etc)?
If vehicle were to get impounded (for any reason, related or otherwise), would you foot the bill to release it? Can you pay for your own lawyer if an unfortunate circumstance were to occur?
Perhaps it’s time to leave the nest and jump both feet into full self sufficiency, if all the answers above are yes. If answers are no, then you are still reliant on your folks and have obligations to them.
honestly ? get a job, save some money, buy your OWN car, and move the fuck out. this is disrespectful and giving helicopter parent. you’re being civil and she’s spazzing on you without giving justification.
We don’t know how you act when you get home from this persons house. I moved back in with my parents at 24 after I got out of the Navy. Their one rule was if I was gonna be out after 12 am, to stay out and not come in and disturb their household late after drinking with friends. When you move back in with parents it is THEIR home and their rules whether you like it or not. Are they paying for your car?? Cause that’s how it seems.
If you have a job, save money and find your own place. Otherwise, their home, their rules. They pay for the car, they can take it as they want. As an adult, you don’t have to live there. Sounds like you like still being babied though. You should be able to call your own uber, and we’d need more context about what’s going on at this home that makes her feel that you act differently when you come back to your own home.
I am probably going to be the only person to say this, but as someone who is 27F and still living at home with immigrant parents, I have a midnight curfew. I just accept it and respect their rules for their house. They don’t care who I am with what I’m doing where I am I just have to get my ass home at a reasonable hour. I used to have the same mentality of “I’m an adult. You can’t tell me what to do” and even got into it with them from time to time over the past few years, but the reality is, I’m literally living under the roof. It’s give and take. Everything about living at home is super chill and I don’t pay rent and I don’t pay for groceries, my car is under my name but I didn’t pay for it, etc.
For everyone telling you “she can’t tell you what to do” I mean you should move out if you don’t want to be told what to do.
(But the way she’s talking to you is not cool)
You’re 20. You do not have to ask permission for this.
Let them know where you’re at and “see you later”.
What suffocating parents(tyrants) you have. Crazy.
So did your mother ever elaborate the reason why she didn’t want you staying over at your friend’s house? Seems like she’s also had that issue, but she seems to be singling out this specific friend of yours for some reason.
I think you need to get out of there asap. That’s your car which means they actually technically stole it.
Save up, find a share house, they sounds excessively controlling and irrational
You’re 20 years old. Why are you taking orders from your parents like a little kid or even asking them for permission to do anything?
She’s as pleasant as a broken blister
The way I’m reading it they think you’re smoking weed over there. My mom used to smell my hair to see if I was smoking weed. Why is she being so aggressive about you washing your hair? She also said your dad said now you can’t drive. Maybe they think you are under the influence?
There is absolutely no excuse for a parent to talk to their child this way. Age doesn’t matter. Circumstances don’t matter. That is abuse.
Tell her and your dad you are looking for somewhere else to live because you refuse to be treated this way
Smoke weed,dont have a job, drive car into paddle , maybe she is 20 but have the maturity of a children.. Maybe there is plenty more to the story of this lady and people just judge parents who maybe juste care about her.. reddit people are way off the reality of the world ,always blame another but never you.
When I hit 18 and still lived with my mum I stopped asking permission to stay at a friend’s and would just tell my mum I’m staying at a friend’s house for the weekend. This is weird.
Time to move out.
Not in a fighting way. It’s just time for you to be an adult.
You’re grown. You need to move out. You don’t need mom or dad to order you an Uber, you don’t need permission, as a 20-year-old, to spend the night somewhere. Also, the way your mother talks to you is abusive.
Grow up, move out, and start living your life as an adult.
As someone who lived this kinda bs, figure out anyway you can to get out. It took me into my 30s to realize they only get CRAZIER. Live with a ton of roommates, work two jobs, do whatever, but trust me your freedom will be so sweet and so worth it. The longer you wait the harder it is to not make this the norm and reality. Even in my 40s I struggle with guilt/asking permission/feeling like I’m doing something wrong for doing normal things. They want to keep you under their thumb and helpless, don’t let them.
Whole thing sounds like a mess…..
you deserve to be far away from that woman
It’s time to start that exit plan love! Save up and move out on them, then they control you no more!
is your mom single
OP. Time to adult. Get a good enough gig going and get yourself your own place. Your mother will never change. The trades accepts everyone and your local union can get you started. Great money, great benefits. Another approach for people like yourself is the military. They also help you pay for your own college. You’ve got this. Figure out how to adult and start tomorrow.
You’re 20 why do you live with your parents and even worse, why are you asking them to order you an Uber…
Kinda YTA. Your mom’s phrasing feels overly aggressive but we don’t know your pattern of behavior. I also had parents that never let me sleep over anywhere too. But the thing is, by 20 you should have your own money which buys freedom, whether they like it or not. You don’t get much say if you’re not getting your own Uber, and presumably not paying for the car either?
should have let you spend the night. i hope you still have the car