AIO? Boyfriend said he’d help
Thursday, 20 Mar 2025
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Not overreacting. Look, my partner and I are both gamers, but the minute there’s a big freaking crash and THE DAMN CEILING IS ON THE FLOOR you better believe we’re on it straight away.
He’s throwing shit like ‘you’re being mean’ and ‘you’re just trying to make me feel bad’ out there to make you think you’re at fault here so he doesn’t have to face the fact he’s fucked up by being a selfish, slack shit and he left you high and dry when you needed his help.
Like. You’re allowed to be upset and on edge and frustrated and furious in this situation. And when the person who is supposed to be your partner in crime – and that includes the cleanup – doesn’t do a damn thing until you’ve nearly sorted it all yourself?
With how you’ve written, though, it feels like this is just the gigantic plaster-y straw that broke the camel’s back. Is this a common thing with him? Like, you ask for help in something that is time-sensitive and end up doing it all yourself because he’s too busy gaming? Because if that’s the case, and it is a pattern, I want you to really think on if you want the rest of your life to look like this whenever something goes seriously wrong.
Are me and my partner perfect? Hell no, we’re both guilty of say, forgetting to hang the laundry out in time because one or both of us was in the middle of a game we couldn’t exit quickly. But… when it’s something massive and needs to be sorted in the moment/straight away like this, we’re both up out of our chairs and don’t care if we die in-game; we can always reload a save or rez our characters, but we can’t fix breaking the trust we have in each other to be a support and help when shit hits the fan.
Don’t marry your boyfriend
As a male who likes playing video games, I would know that it was time to press pause.
Imagine being in labor with this man’s child, and he won’t get off the game to take you to the hospital.
In fact, I’ll do you one better… Imagine that you have his baby and that baby has a heart condition and is life-flighted to a hospital 3 hours away from home. Then Imagine that the only car you have to get to said hospital is a stick shift (that he refused to learn how to drive) so less than 14 hours after GIVING BIRTH, you have to drive yourself the 3 hours in heavy traffic on the highway…. then Imagine that that man BRINGS HIS PLAYSTATION TO THE HOSPITAL and spends all night gaming in your sick newborn baby’s hospital room, then all day sleeping while you learn how to change a feeding tube, and learning infant cpr, and learning how to administer meds…. but he refuses to wake up and learn how to care for your sick baby because “you can just show him later”
That is my story. This happened in 2015.
Yea, well, that’s how much you can rely on him to help in a crisis. His primary concern is himself and how much(read little) he has to do to keep you quiet. A good partner in any situation helps without questions and if they can’t for some GOOD reason, they don’t lie about it, but apologize.
Find a new boyfriend and throw this one away with the plaster
Babe, that man is not *busy*—he’s preoccupied with a video game. That’s his priority.
You get to decide if that’s cool with you. It seems like you work way too hard to have a partner who won’t support the load of running a house.
That is such a big mess it gives me anxiety to even think about having to clean all that up 😩 I don’t think you’re overreacting. It would be different if there was a legitimate reason behind him waiting to help clear it up. But to play video games instead of helping you fix that very big problem, is just ridiculous.
NOR. Big family of gamers here. That’s when I stop playing and start cleaning.
Just to make sure I wasn’t biased (I don’t play online games bc I don’t like dealing with other people) I showed the pic & asked my partner who plays ranked online. He laughed and said “that’s when you take the L and leave the game, what a stupid question”
He’s asked YOU to apologize??? Babe see those flags? They’re SCARLET RED.
Your boyfriend is an asshole.
I can’t imagine being in the house of anyone more than a passing acquaintance when their ceiling fell in, and not immediately helping them clean up.
„There was no need to start (cleaning) right away“… sure let’s just be exactly like that Meme with the dog inside that burning house…
I‘m pretty sure, it’s what he hope for… you cleaning the whole mess yourself and him playing games
My partner doesn’t live with me, but I know with 100% certainty if this happened when he was over I wouldn’t have even needed to ask for help with this, he would automatically start helping me.
Your “partner” thinks it’s your job as a woman to clean and tidy, he will claim he doesn’t see the mess or that it doesn’t bother him to avoid having to do any grown up tasks.
This is your life if you stay with him, there are plenty of men out there who would put you before their hobbies.
Best advice from someone who married someone just like this. Stop letting it happen. You go in there and you sit and you say “we need to do this together, finish up your raid or etc and we’re getting to it right now” it’s an entire different situation if they then say no
Serious question, why are you attempting to plaster your own ceiling? A wall I would understand but seriously hire a professional for a ceiling because a simple mistake brings the whole thing down.
You’re dating a man child, tell him he can tie his own shoes from now on and send him on his merry way
Does he live with you? Because I understand if you own it that he shouldn’t be paying for renovations, but if he sleeps in that bed 365 days of the year, then he should be helping clean that mess.
Does he typically pull his weight with chores around the apartment? Is gaming more important to him than adult responsibilities and your relationship?
You need to ask yourself if this is usual behavior…
If this isn’t a partnership where you can rely on him for support, the what is he bringing to the table?
I play video games but I’d have turned it off instantly if this happened to my partner
It’s time to drop this clown 🤡
I really hope his dick game is legendary and he eats you out like it’s his last meal, because otherwise?
Why’d you put up with that shit?
Not overreacting! Sorry, video games are more important than you in his mind.
He’s a child with no sense of urgency or responsibility for others obviously. All that matters is the game and excuses to get away with not doing things he doesn’t want to.
I’d divorce my husband over that.
NOR. And if he continues to act like a teenager coming to dinner… you’re going to resent him. Resent murders relationships. Don’t make excuses for him anymore. Tell him exactly what you need from him in your home and if he can’t meet those standards (or be flexible in coming up with a solution for all parties) then reevaluate your situation.
He thinks you worked on cleaning this up to make yourself better than him. So he knows the right thing would have been to come help like he said he would instead of fucking around on a game. NOR. Your bf sucks.
You did not make yourself better than him you are better than him. What a POS.
Ask yourself this: If the situation had been reversed, would you have come over to help ASAP? Or waited hours to arrive because you were “busy.” I’m betting that you would have been there as soon as you possibly could.
Someone who actually loves you will always always prioritize helping you when shit goes down. So make of that what you will. Not overreacting. This would be grounds for break up if I was in your position. Or, at the very least, a very long talk about him getting his priorities straight. Because girl, you aren’t being prioritized.
NOR
Things like that shouldn’t be second to a game. That includes your well being and emotions in that horrible time.
He didn’t take into consideration that you’re going to be upset about this because he personally has no financial or emotional connection to the property.
You know now his reliability
He’s gaslighting the shit out of you. He’s 100% an immature d-bag.
Why are there so many incompetent people/partners out here. Not only do they suck, but they’re so clueless too. So draining.
He seems immature. He didn’t see the urgency, but it sounds like he didn’t understand your side. Even if he didn’t care personally, you need to help him understand that plaster all over your bed would be distressing for you. You should have started the discussion right away and said, “Stop the game now, please. This is important to me. ”
Letting him keep playing for an hour all while you’re getting more and more upset was not the right call. Ask yourself why you didn’t go back to him. If the answer is spite or fear, look hard at your relationship.
Maybe not use the same plaster people again, or don’t prep it yourself lol
>He’s since said I should know he doesn’t mean a sec when he says a sec, he was busy, it doesn’t matter doing what . . .
Okay, so a sec means an hour? Got it. Oh, you want to have sex, sure, just give me like 30 secs.
If it doesn’t matter why he was busy in this type of situation, what has to happen for it to not matter and him to drop what he’s doing?
“Honey! Can you come here, I slipped in the tub and I’m bleeding.”
“Just a sec dear . . . is it a lot of blood or just a scrape? Doesn’t matter, just a sec!”
“Honey, there’s a man dressed in all black and he’s pointing a gun at my head, can you come here?”
“What kind of gun? NM, I’ll be there in a sec!”
My washing machine flooded once in the middle of a gaming session with friends and guess what, I left to sort it out and help my wife.
This is insane behaviour to me, the sky has fallen and you keep playing? Super weird even if he doesn’t own it.
NOR. Yet another example of Throw the Man Away. Playing video games (as a grown-ass man) is not ‘busy’, and then he gaslit you for being upset. Urgh.
Bloody gaming has ended so many relationships because gamers can’t just leave it to help other’s .
So, you figured out that if you were single and this would happen again, you would be able to do it, you take responsibility to clean it up and if you would be single there would be no extra emotional stress because of a man child that is not investing the needed energy.
He’d be in the right if it was the washing up, but your damn ceiling fell down and bro is like “Nah it can wait, time to game”.
NOR. Pretty alarming attitude for a 32yo grown man.
You mention it’s your apartment though. I wonder if there’s some resentment there. Does he pay you rent?