AIO for getting upset with how my ex speaks to my 10 year old daughter?

“And it’s not working for me” “figure it out buddy” weird argumentive phrases that are unnecessary… all he had to say was he missed her idk

NOR – he sounds like a narcissist.

This actually breaks my heart for your daughter. She should not grow up thinking it’s okay for men to speak to her this way.

She asked if he wants to call and he replied “don’t worry about it?” Like a 10 year old is supposed to understand those mind games?!? This makes me so mad

Dawg sounds like a mafia boss during a shakedown😭 “You better figure it out, buddy” is a crazy way to be speaking to a child. You’re absolutely right and he’s a piece of shit. Are the calls court mandated? If not, I wouldn’t bother with continuing to expose the kids and honestly yourself to his shit behavior.

He seems like he has some issues mentally.

Giving weird Chester the molester vibes. Yikes.

How old are the children?

Your ex sounds like a massive douche.

Empower your children to be able to politely and firmly push back. He is trying to play the victim and dictator all in one. For example when ex says you haven’t called in a long time, he could respond with I was waiting for you to call me, daddy.

I think family therapy would help for your children so they learn how not to fall victim to his manipulations and insults.

you’re not overreacting. what a weird interaction. as an adult kids aren’t even responsible for the relationship they have with you. the hi daddy comment equally made me uncomfortable

This is how you get anxiety. NOR

“You better figure it out buddy” literally made me sweat a little. Send this man away.

10 is old enough for you to explain why his messages are disrespectful, and that they don’t deserve to be spoken to like that by anyone. They’re probably old enough to realize it on their own, but you need to give them permission to stand up for themselves, that if Dad starts acting like this, it’s fine to grab Mom and ignore the cussing. Screen record his behavior and protect your kids. They deserve to feel safe, cherished, and loved in their own home. I might even go so far as to have these conversations outside, so after the ugliness is done, Dad’s terrible behavior isn’t lingering in the room.

NOR.

Not much I hate more than parents being whiny babies to their own children. Grow the fuck up, man. We are supposed to be their emotional support and safe space, not the other way around.

A healthier approach would have been “I’d love to be able to connect more with you, when and if you’re up for it”. Putting the blame on the TEN YEAR OLD is so fucked.

My daughters dad talks to her like this as well. When she turned 18 she stopped talking to him completely.

Maybe try to set up specific times for phone calls, and make it clear that it is on him to do the reaching out. It’s so unfair for him to put this burden on your daughter.

Ew

This guy needs to go. Fuck him.

No one talking about
“What’s up baby girl” and “no “daddy”?”

Don’t make her spend time with him if she doesn’t want to. Never unsupervised.

This is what my father would do to me. I was a kid doing kid things with a stepfather who was there since I was 4 years old. Seriously, fuck this behavior. What an asshole.

Read the messages without reading the title…yikes😬

This is gaslighting 101! Be mad, not just upset. He’s playing a game that needs to be stopped now (speaking from personal experience).

He’s a dick. Shes ten. He needs a communication class. He’s the parent shes the child. He needs to learn how to be attentive to her needs. She shouldn’t have to figure out some secret handshake to deal with a “dick for a dad” just my opinion. Makes me winder if parents are together…..hes a “shitty communicator” so mom (OP) probably made a wise move long ago amd ditched that non communicative shit. (Sorry i dont like grown men who deliberately try to make young women feel small because the dude is some kind of child with obvious short comings.

NOA. In a couple of years your daughter won’t want anything to do with his melodrama and he’ll have nobody to blame but himself.

Unless he’s her biological dad I don’t think you should let him talk to your kids because that actually sounds very creepy the way he was talking to her.
But if he is her biological dad then it looks like they don’t actually have a relationship and he’s trying to force the ideal relationship of a loving child to their parent.
Definitely comes across like the narcissist you said he is and that all he cares about is himself. I’m sorry but it just came off to me like he’s trying to groom her and that’s not just wrong and inappropriate but super creepy. I hope you keep being momma bear and protecting your kids from him.

OP, I’d honestly try to move these conversations to a family / co-parenting app. Something like, Our Family Wizard Co-parenting App, or Peaceful Co-parenting Messenger . It documents and records all messages and, if ever you need them for legal purposes or to show to a therapist, then you have them. Behaviors like this also can be admissible in court under psychological abuse, and these apps help document it.

Also, your child needs to have more of your support if you know and are aware of their father’s narcissistic behaviors. Giving so many confusing commands and feigning disappointment and interactions with them must be so confusing and even hurtful to deal with alone. Something as simple as:

– organising a weekly contact schedule

– informing your ex of the fact that you’re monitoring all interactions

– getting your kid in to see a therapist who specializes in parental abuse

Could all be very helpful things that support your child and their ability to navigate this relationship with their father more confidently.

He’s the adult. It’s his job to put the effort into being a father. No you aren’t overreacting. My dad did the same shit to me growing up. I’m almost 28 now and haven’t spoken to him since I was 16.

He can call her too, yes?