AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

I would 100% leave this person for that last line alone. In any context.

If my girlfriend ever ushered the words “before I find someone else who can”, it would be over at that very moment.

You can’t let someone disrespect you like this in any capacity, especially someone you’re in a relationship with.

If this is the way he normally speaks to you I’d move the hell on right now.

girlll you best leave this man. any man who treats you this way will only treat you worse if you ever marry him as he will feel that you are his property. the fact that he would come at you for stuff that you do for him is genuinely disgusting and just the way he spoke to you is so ew. i mean i couldn’t imagine saying this without realizing how tone deaf it is????? and calling you DISRESPECTFUL for it on top of it????? also as if he could find another woman (one of quality at least) that would actually stay with him once he shows his true colors is delusional of him. him speaking this way makes him immediately undesirable

Oh, where to begin? Your story is like watching someone try to build a house out of popsicle sticks during a windstorm. It’s shaky, unstable, and bound to collapse when you least expect it.

You’re 20, he’s 21, and you’re living together. Let’s call this what it is: playing house without any real blueprint for the future. You’re doing all the things a spouse might do—cooking, cleaning, supporting him emotionally—but on a budget relationship plan. No ring, no commitment, just you carrying the weight of responsibilities while he keeps his options open. It’s like signing up for a marathon but carrying his backpack the whole way while he runs ahead.

Here’s a reality check: studies show that 60% of relationships that begin in your teenage years don’t survive into adulthood. Why? Because people change—a lot. Who you were at 16 or 18 isn’t who you’re going to be at 25 or 30. Your brain is still developing until about age 25, and every five years, your mindset and priorities shift dramatically. Trying to build a life together at this stage is like building a bridge with wet cement—it just doesn’t have the foundation to hold.

Now, imagine you had a daughter who came to you at 20 years old and said, “Mom, I’m moving in with my boyfriend.” Would you smile, nod, and say, “Great idea, honey!”? Or would you sit her down and ask her if she truly understands what she’s giving up by committing so much, so soon, to someone who hasn’t proven he’s ready to build a future with her?

Let’s get real. If a man is comfortable living with you, reaping the benefits of a partnership without making a real commitment, what incentive does he have to step up? He’s got the cart before the horse, and as long as that cart is delivering all the goods, he doesn’t have to hitch it to anything stable. Worse, if he’s already making comments like, “If you don’t get your act together, I’ll find someone else,” he’s showing you exactly where you stand in his priorities—and it’s not at the top.

And let’s not sugarcoat the “we’ve been together for five years” argument. Five years ago, you were in high school, barely figuring out what kind of adult you wanted to be. That’s not a foundation—it’s a teenage fantasy that’s now buckling under the pressure of adult reality. Relationships that start young are often like fireworks: bright and exciting in the beginning but quick to burn out. Time spent together doesn’t always equal growth or maturity.

Here’s a harsh truth: if he hasn’t made a serious, public declaration of commitment—be that marriage or some other tangible step toward a future together—you’re in a relationship built on convenience, not stability. And if you’re already doing all the work of maintaining a household—cooking, cleaning, caring for him—without a solid foundation, you’re selling yourself short.

The best thing you can do right now? Pack your bags, move out, and focus on yourself. It might feel like you’re taking a step back, but you’re actually setting yourself up for a better future. Your 20s are supposed to be about discovering who you are, building your own foundation, and figuring out what you want in life. Staying in a situation like this will only hold you back.

You deserve a relationship where your partner doesn’t just accept your effort but matches it—and proves, through actions, that they’re committed to you. Anything less is a disservice to your future self. So walk away now, before you waste more time on something that’s already showing you it’s not built to last.

Ouuuu I would tell anyone who says that to me too go right ahead. Good tf bye

Kick that ah to the curb. You’re his partner not his maid.

His words suggest he’s been “tolerating” your “short comings” all this time, aka: hiding who he really is/what he expects from you and the longer this goes on/the more serious the relationship gets the worse his treatment of you will become. GTFO.

Hi. I did this when I was 20 as well. The relationship ended when he said, “You should be happy to clean up after me. It is a privilege.”

You don’t wanna spend your life raising a grown man. You can take care of yourself and he can’t. NOR.

I would respond with two words: fuck you

The audacity of him to say that to you!!! Tell him if it’s important to him then he can do it. If it’s more of a priority than his games then he can clean. Insane.

«Before I find someone else who can”? He already has someone in mind. Leave him either way. Saying that in on itself is a threat and that is not okay in any way, shape or form.

And that would be the final text

Let him find someone else. That’s perfect actually. Let him do you the favor.

Lol, this is why you don’t move in with boyfriends and play house. You’ve got this man talking to you like this meanwhile you’re filing your taxes as SINGLE. Fuck that. Stop doing this shit with these guys who have the audacity to talk to you this way. Stop moving in with guys who aren’t your husband, or at the very least your fiancé!!!

Also, serious question for splitting the rent. Do both of you make the same amount of $$$? Do your paychecks look exactly the same? If not, then how is it 50/50? Not only are you splitting bills but he’s harping on you not washing dishes.

Girl, use your brain! Don’t waste your 20s on this loser. Let him go ahead and find someone else since it’s so easy for him.

Take him up on his offer and find yourself a good person!

Not to jump to conclusions but men who are cheating will start nitpicking and looking for reasons to leave. Especially if it’s so sudden, I would be suspicious of that. I wouldn’t even bother investigating and just leave by the way he’s talking to you. And if he doesn’t like dirty dishes? Stop cooking for him, only make yourself food. If y’all are 50/50 rent, he can 50/50 cook his own damn dinner or help clean up after you do.

NOR, he’s being a prick, and there is no way you should be paying half and doing all the work. it kinda seems like he’s trying to pick a fight (via txt, so lame), no need to share here, but what else has been going on?

Assuming you don’t want to break up with him (I’m giving you the huge benefit of the doubt here that he has some other redeeming qualities), you need to STOP talking about how this is making you feel, and START being more assertive. So instead of saying “it makes me feel like you dont value me or respect me when you say things like that”, start saying “If you have a problem with my level of tidiness, that’s fine. We can have that conversation. But trying to emotionally blackmail me by threatening to find someone else. You can just fuck right off. Let me know when you are ready to talk like an adult, and not a passive-aggressive little shit. <3”

Whoa. That is beyond disrespectful.

I would move out without a word while he’s at work. Take a day off. Go home if you can, focus on yourself and your goals, and don’t move in with another bf without discussing expectations and the future. This guy is a hugely disrespectful baby and he’s thrown down the gauntlet. If you accept this treatment from him, it will get worse. He might be trying to get you to break up with him without having the guts to just end it himself. So fuck him. Just go.

Tell him to make good on his promise to find someone who will do better lmao