Always have this

my dad instilled so much anxiety into me about writing a check correctly that i still have a hard time doing things while being watched

Any excuse to fake your death really.

Eating, believe it or not.

I had an easygoing childhood until LOTS of stuff fell apart in my late teens (mostly my parents), I never had to compete for food or anything. Everyone was seen to.

I just feel like I shouldn’t be seen eating. Strangely enough I can go out to eat and be normal no problem.

Go figure.

Somewhat different, but if I walk into a store, I ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT LEAVE without buying something, or else I feel like people will think I’m stealing. So, if I go into a store and can’t find what I’m looking for, then I’ll leave with a pack of gum or something.

I don’t use anonimous tab for porn but I use it for math questions

if someone starts using my PC nd finds porn it’s on them for invding my privacy

I get this sometimes as part of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria which is an ADHD thing 

I once quickly shut off the program I was using in my work computer the moment my boss walked past my desk.

The program in question was Excel. Because I was filling out a work spreadsheet. For work. At my work computer. At my office.

I had this exact feeling back when I was living with an emotionally abusive housemate. I was extremely afraid of seeming childish for playing video games, and I would only do so with my door closed. Once he moved out, and once I realized it made no sense, that feeling swiftly vanished.

like eating sweets from the candy jar

I ran into my (at the time) Boss while at the clinic for my regular treatment for an autoimmune disorder and briefly panicked until I remembered that I:

* had any right to be at that clinic for my treatment.
* my boss was aware if my disease and my need for regular treatment.
* that I even e-mailed her just before I left that my slot was moved up a bit, so I had to head out a bit ealier than planned.
* Hell, the time at the clinic is not even substracted from my working hours, but considered justified absence. As in, spending two hours in the clinic counts the same as spending two hours in the office.

i finally defeated this guilt last night. i played Marvel Rivals for 2 hours and FFXVI for 4 hours and went to bed at midnight. i felt so free.

I’ll straight up be productive and do chores, but I’ll look over my shoulder in case my Dad is secretly judging me for doing chores wrong

I hate doing literally anything with my parents in the room because they watch and judge me…

I have this to a degree. I know it’s weird, but I still feel like this when I’m doing something I enjoy by myself.

Oh my god, yes.

Now, I’m diagnosed with GAD and take meds for it, but it’s at times been a *struggle* for my fiancé. Top things I do are:

– Always keep my back to the wall so that no one can see what I do on the computer. Regardless what it is.

– Hide things at home like some sort of deranged squirrel because the shame of having hobbies is too big for me.

– *Instantly* get suicidal thoughts if I do something bad by mistake, regardless of other peoples reactions. This can be accidentally dropping a glass that breaks, getting a parking ticket, or whatever.

My fiancé said during a dinner with friends that “yeah being together with u/severalsmallducks means that sometimes you find a gameboy you don’t recognize in the sock drawer or some computer parts behind the hamper but that’s fine” because I have huge issues admitting even to her that I sometimes like to play games and/or repair things.

I have so many stories about how anxiety fucks something fierce with me.

Why are you playing video games? Why aren’t you cleaning the house?

Please, let me play for a bit. I’ll get to the cleaning, promise. ;-;

I get super stressed out whenever someone can see my youtube suggestions or my (extremely benign) wikipedia search history. Also even scrolling reddit in front of my closest people I feel like I’m gonna be judged for which posts I linger on.

I think this has something to do with buying into the whole idea of cringe. I used to be incredibly cynical, and couldn’t stand people who have me cringe, and now I realize that was either the cause of or caused by these personal anxieties/insecurities.

the hard part for me is that i know that i over do things so it’s very hard to know if I’m ‘allowed’ to be chilling right now.

Sometimes I’ll hear a noise while playing games and get scared my dad’s about to come in my room.

Yes. Especially bondage

Yeah, alcoholism. Sneaking a drink from my fiancée who honestly wouldn’t give two shits. She caught me once and was like…. Why didn’t you get me a shot too????

Well turns out *I* thought I was drinking too much and projected that embarrassment on to her. Granted, my drinking was nowhere near too far gone, more like “I want a drink on a Tuesday…. Why not?”. Doing weekends only 2025. Haven’t had shakes or withdrawal symptoms at all. I suppose my shame kept me from going too far lol