Broken bonds
Thursday, 13 Mar 2025
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The same energy applies to anyone you know whose been looking for a job. They will tell you when they’ve found one, you don’t need to ask.
When I asked one of my close friends why she and her brother really never speak to their mom she said, “My Dad told my Mom he didn’t want her and she told my Dad, “If you don’t want me, then I don’t want ‘your’ kids (9 & 6 at the time), and she left us with our Dad and promptly moved back to Belize” She says her mom tells all the family in Belize that her Dad kidnapped them then had her deported. Her Mom swore up and down this was the truth and she was like, ” I was nine, and I was right there standing beside you when it happen. You had on green dress and Dad had on a purple adidas track suit, little bro was in the kitchen eating the last of the frosted flakes.” But her mom swears up and down he came and stole them in the middle of the night.
Nah, disagree.
You can ask me and I’ll tell you like it is. You can understand me and my experiences better. Just don’t bring it up after that unless you need advice when facing a similar situation. I’m happy to help teach another a lesson so they don’t have to experience as much pain as I did.
If he doesn’t fuck with his babymama or his kids…
You fucking him and having kids isn’t going to make him change…
I had a friend shame me and constantly bring up my estranged parent when I finally decided to do the cutoff. He reeeeally tried to high road me without ever really caring to hear what I was going through.
This same friend, now acquaintance, has a horrific relationship with his own parent and is a 40 year old Trainwreck with a drinking problem who only eats pizza. (This is not an exaggeration, we are talking fries, cheese pizza for every meal) Can’t imagine why he was threatened by me putting up boundaries and fixing myself.
Perfectly stated.
He or She Who Must Not Be Named
Voldemort rules in effect!
Another one is if they don’t have kids don’t ask why unless they tell you why. Yeah majority is they don’t want kids but the other half could be they can’t have kids, lost a child, or something else serious.
Had a friend who I was sure his dad had died. Colour me shocked when his brother got married and there was an older gentleman in the pics. Asked my friend who the man was and he said it was his dad… was told promptly not to ask any further questions. Never seen the man since. Friends mum told me he’s a deadbeat who uses the political issues in their native country to excuse his absence as well as a raging homophobe. Nuff said. No further questions
My mom’s extended family goes out of their way to ask me about my deadbeat dad & why I have nothing to do with him. Like y’all got a front row seat to his shenanigans 26 years ago & y’all wanna ask dumb ass questions.
“How’s your dad?”
“I don’t talk to him anymore.”
10 seconds of intentionally uncomfortable silence
[deleted]
respecting boundaries is the key let people bring it up if they want to and dont push
Never and I repeat never assume a woman is pregnant.
Casually asked one of my old friends a random question about his pops one day while pregaming and he was lunching the rest of the night. Bro was drunk as shit and trying to fight random defensive lineman looking 🥷🏽. Shit was so ass. Never mentioned his pops ever again.
He a deadbeat now too so the cycle continues I guess 🤷🏽♂️
My best friend is like my sister, we’ve been to hell and back together. No conversation is off limits, we both know that if it coming up in conversation, it’s out of love and not malice.
I mean, you can ask about him, but I don’t have much to say. I don’t know that man like that.
I have a son who passed away when he was 20.
“How did he die?” I shouldn’t have to satisfy your curiosity about my child’s death. Don’t ask mothers how their children died, just don’t.
Made this mistake once. 😞
REAL. Also, don’t open up something that YOU KNOW it will affect someone even if it’s a joke.
Specifically, my dad. Just because “he stuck around” doesn’t make it better.
There are tons of things people don’t mention about themselves that you won’t know are landmines until you ask or they tell you first. As long as you’re respectful of their boundaries, I don’t see the issue.
It’s better to watch a person’s overall reaction to certain topics to figure out if it bothers them, rather than claim they don’t care for anything they happened to not bring up yet. There is nuance to this, but I’ve never been close to someone who has never taken the time or risk to get to know me on a personal level. I have cut off people that ignore when I tell them I’m uncomfortable, because being informed and choosing to offend is the real issue.
Oh nah. We get to a point in friendship where I’m asking for sure. Those are the questions with the deepest and most meaningful conversations attached to them.
I can talk all day with you about who would win against Goku, what thanos should have done, who is the best point guard of all time (stockton btw) etc.
Those conversations show me what you like. THESE conversations show me who you are. How could I call myself a friend if I don’t take interest in the events in your life that shaped you into the person I know?
Dump that trauma brother. Become closer to someone other than yourself.
Sometimes talking about something difficult is the right thing to do. Know your friendship and let’s skip this let’s make everyone comfortable business.
Strongly disagree. Exactly what you should talk to your friends about
Or sibling, or cousin, etc.
I think this is a time and place discussion. You bring it up one time, judge their reaction, and now you know it’s not your place to push the subject again. I do think it does take a bit of reading the room and gauging their reaction as well. Like my girl told me I should talk to my brother about something serious. I hesitated and said I’ll try. She was right. Broke a wall down that had been up for years.
Mildly related, my best friend is Nigerian and definitely looks it, his Mum is absolutely pale white and from Leeds, his sister is also white. I knew him for about 5 years before it somehow came up naturally and I could ask what the deal was there, I just assumed he’d been adopted or something since I knew his Dad had never been around, but that really was his biological Mum lol.
I had a friend a while back who never talked about her mum, I’d known her for two years and had just assumed her mum was dead or a deadbeat bc she only ever mentioned her dad
One day she says “oh, my mum’s coming by tomorrow” and without thinking I was like “your mum’s alive!?” and then apologised and explained that she’d never mentioned her mum and what I’d assumed and she absolutely creased up- turned out her mum just lives in a different county and isn’t a big part of her life so doesn’t come up much
Growing up it was weird for me to see friends talk about their parents in a loving way. I was close to being offended before accepting that many people have loving relationships with their parents while as for me mine didn’t plan for me or wanted me at all.
Jokes on them now that I have my own kids and don’t return their phone calls.
Nah, I don’t mind. I won’t start *that* conversation, but I’ve answered pretty much any question anyone ever asked on the topic, which funnily enough were 4 female friends (I’m a guy) and my wife. I’m lucky enough to have a close group of (guy) friends who I’ve known since kindergarten/elementary school, but to this day I haven’s spoken a word to any of them about my parents divorcing, even though it happened almost 20 years ago and I talk/text with them every day.
THANK YOU!!!
What is with this culture of people terrified of social interactions?
I see these type of rules often: “Don’t talk about x subject that isn’t actually taboo”
Or a cousin of mine not wanting to go outside so that they don’t have to make the effort of waving to the neighbor.
How about we just learn to manage ourselves and connect socially a bit better? I have topics that I don’t want to dive too deep into but I also know that if someone asks, I can be short or just say I’d rather not talk about it. Its also not going to ruin my day to wave to my neighbor or have a quick conversation with someone in line at the grocery store.
Its no shock that we’re so disconnected and far apart from each other.