Imagine…
Wednesday, 12 Mar 2025
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I feel like of all the historical figures you could choose, Ben Franklin is one of the most likely to immediately understand what you’re talking about
Philip K Dick would have a field day with that shit
Ben Franklin knew a lot of hawk tuah girls in his days in Paris, so he’d probably be OK with it.
A fetching maiden famous for her knowledge of the practice of fellatio, or oral sodomy, swindled many investors into purchasing her own privately issued scrip.
However, the newspapers and gossips paid little heed to that scandal as they are all preoccupied over the assassination of a President of an insurance corporation who is guilty of declaring *force majeure* and non-payment upon many claims, bankrupting and harming those so denied recompense.
The denials of payments are cunningly decided by something akin to a clockwork apparatus that simply stamps “No Payment!” upon all correspondence beseeching relief, without any Christian soul even reading the letters and so lessening the possibility of sending money to the needy supplicants.
“Okay so I think I understand the bikeshare part, let us now return the the question of this maid and her spittle. Have you a picture of her? Is she wearing bloomers?”
Slightly modification to amplify the absurdity ~~> “the sexy dude who stopped by Starbucks before he murdered the CEO of an insurance company that used AI to auto-deny clams and then escaped on a bikeshare.”
Well first off, I’m gonna have to start by defining some terms…
None of these words are in the bible
A famous theatrical prostitute ran a snake oil scam but people weren’t very interested in that because a health care baron was murdered by an attractive looking young male who escaped the scene by using a paid rental bike.
I could explain this to him as I’m watching his body react violently to a can of Monster Energy, no sweat.
He left on a bikeshare? Lol.
“hmmm yes, but where are the French women?”
He’d be kicking himself for not artificially creating MORE insurances (Ben Franklin created the fire department then subsequently created fire insurance which was a whole debacle shortly after he died)
While the next President elect, a convicted felon, works to remove the rights of women, non straight people, and minorities.
Nah he’d be like. Damn that’s crazy, ANYWAY electricity!
i can imagine this. ben would understand.
george washington, on the other hand, might beat your ass with his slave dentures as he towers over your tiny baby body, seeing as he was at least 10 feet tall.
I hate 2024
This is like the ‘monkey learns complexities and idiotic way us politics works, immediately hangs self’ meme
Yeah.
Though also no-one cared because “fraudulent crypto scheme” and “crypto scheme” are synonyms and everyone with a braincell saw it coming.
“Y’all can have them back, England”
Probably still wouldn’t be able to wrap his head around the end of slavery.
We live in the best timeline.
I bet he would say you are a very gifted story teller with incredible imagination.
Dude… most people couldn’t explain that shit to their parents today.
I’d just say, “It’s OK Ben, most of us think the world has gone crazy, too.”
Ben Franklin would understand exactly what was being explained and why things are the way they are.
You know Franklin worked for the tabloids of the day right? This shit is baked into the fabric of the country
Remember Wednesday when all we were worrying about was a South Korean Coup attempt?
“Go back to that thing about the Hawk Two Girl. Describe to me her feet”
Then Benjamin Franklin would say tell me more about this bicycle thing…
“Wait a minute. ‘Bike share’ ? Now THAT’S a good idea!”
Ben Franklin killed Beethoven with a poisonous glass harmonica. It’s true.
Ben Franklin?!
Imagine explaining that to anyone in the 1970s.
“Just as I predicted”
I feel like it wouldn’t be that hard to explain “girl uses sex appeal to scam stupid men,” and “rich guy gets comeuppance after screwing people.”
You might have to define some terms to him, but the basic concepts involved are pretty timeless.
Honestly at this point when people lose money to pump and dump crypto scams its their own fault.
Blade Runner 2024
2024 – helluva ride
This reminds me of back in 2020 during lockdown, when all of us were brought together by a gay tiger tamer.
I think his quote to a person outside the hall after him signing the constitution, asking him if the made a monarchy or republic, is very fitting for here: “a republic, if you can keep it”. We are not keeping it.
Ben would be like “tell me more about this Hawk tua girl…I assume that means she does the glockglock?”
Fun Fact: Ben Franklin was a troll. He created Poor Richard’s Alamanc and then proceeded to publish in the Alamanc how the writer of the Farmers Alamanc was Dead. Even though he was very much alive. This went on for years.
If he wasn’t in Charlotte, or Louisa, or Marybelle.
Cyberpunk 2024
Open season on oligarchs!
“It’s all about the, well, ‘yous’”
I honestly feel like Ben would silently be going “basedbasedbasedbased” in his head once he grasps that crypto is like those jointstock scams
“a flash strumpet ran a fleece on soft headed speculators for millions of pounds, of course the news of that cove was drowned out by the assassination of a head of business by a horribly handsome rake who made his escape on what amounted to far less than a dog-cart. knocked him on the head in broad daylight as quick as kiss-my-hand. naturally the common citizenry refuse to assist the constabulary- the businessman belonged to the ranks of wastrels and theives who treat the body’s health like its the dutch stock exchange.”
2024 core