me_irl

That 5 seconds was actually 2 minutes of silence. He knew you were tripping and was messing with you.

Who doesn’t. I would suggest a decoy jar of olives to this gentle soul. One for eating and one for the recipe.

Especially important if you are high as well.

Pizza mushrooms vs. psychedelic mushrooms – a classic case of lost in translation! 😂

“Stop this car right now and let me out, you sicko!”

I want to fist bump this guy lmao

I used to eat entire (large) cans of olives in one sitting as a snack.

This ended the day I discovered the laxative properties of olives immediately after getting off the elevator at the bottom of my apartment building.

Those black olives are the real deal

So, the other day, I hopped into a Lyft, ready to chill after running errands all day. The driver, Mike, seemed like a cool dude, and I noticed this little basket of mushrooms chilling on the passenger seat. Naturally, I asked, “Oh, are you making something fancy for dinner?”

Mike just started cracking up. “Nah, not like that,” he said. Turns out, he grows gourmet mushrooms as a side hustle for fancy restaurants. He started throwing out all these names—lion’s mane, oyster, maitake—like he was a mushroom sommelier or something.

Then he hit me with this wild story about how he once delivered the *wrong* mushrooms to a chef. My brain immediately went to psychedelic chaos in a restaurant kitchen, but no, it was just a mix-up between oyster and shiitake mushrooms. Still, the chef freaked out because apparently, they ruined his mushroom risotto nero. What even is that? Mike had to make an emergency mushroom swap mid-shift to save the day.

As we got to my stop, he handed me a little bag of mushrooms and said, “Here, on the house. Try ‘em out.” So now, I can’t even cook mushrooms without thinking of Mike, the Lyft-driving mushroom dealer.

That never happend but it’s a little bit funny.