We had parents too you know . Parents who inspired is to change the pattern
Wednesday, 12 Mar 2025
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i’m not sure how expertise is truly gained from popping someone out your vaj, but i assure you “it takes a village” is a real thing and not everyone in the village has their own kids.
It’s the same vibes as “a single person shouldn’t give relationship advice”
idk sometimes the outsider looking in perspective can be helpful.
“you don’t know MY child”
No but I know that everyone thinking their child is special — while understandable — is delusional, and that’s why we’re getting so many fucking entitled little shits.
Steve Hofstetter summed that up really well.
“I’ve never flown a helicopter. If I saw one in a tree, I could still be like, dude fucked up”
As a new parent, let me assure you that if you don’t have kids there is a whole world of shit you are not fully aware of.
That doesn’t mean you are banned from offering any and all advice as a non-parent. There are things you don’t need “insider knowledge” to understand. You can know the best way to handle something without having done it yourself.
But you best believe there is absolutely some shit you don’t get until you gotta do it. So if you wanna offer up advice you best also be ready to potentially get schooled on why your advice is trash and you don’t know what you’re talking about. Lol
Kids are just perpetually drunk little people trying to hurt themselves. Anyone with experience in dealing with drunk people, or dealing with kids in some way, or just dealing with enough people to know mental tricks, can definitely have advice for parents without actually being a parent.
I hate the “you have to have lived it to be able to know what it is” perspective in some contexts.
All my graduate school training on trauma, childhood development, attachment, clinical internships, etc is not invalidated or less than someone who literally had sex with poor pullout game.
There’s a lot of nuance to this.
Yeah the prerequisite for being a good parent is not to pop one out. Yeah we can all raise our kids how we want but to think adults without kids can’t offer valid advice to uneducated parents is as foolish as they are.
Source: I work in education and have obviously educated more kids than parents have in a lot of cases. And surprise.. I have no kids
Kids are PEOPLE.
I grew up in a traditional Hispanic family where I was straight up told I wasn’t a person until I could stand on my own.
Now that I’m old enough I see that behavior and mentality is best left in the past.
My child will be a person.
Their boundaries will matter.
Their opinion will matter.
Y’all can.
I’m just going to take it as advice from someone who doesn’t have kids.
White women *can* teach y’all how to do your hair properly… but is you gonna sit there and take it without a grain of 1B salt?
Some of us were parentified EARLY and have more experience than new parents- you want that advice
I thought this too until I had kids. People with no kids have no clue wtf they talking about
In fact people with no children were children.
This is 1000% truth.
I know entirely too many people with children who should have never had children to begin with. I’ve worked with kids who deserve better parents than the ones they’ve been subjected to as well. Being a parent doesn’t automatically make you better or smarter in any way.
In other words “I talked out my ass on another post and got called out and the more I think about it, the more pissed I am so here’s my rebuttal.”
I’m going to get downvoted for this but here we go…
Some aspects of parenthood you *really do* have to go through yourself to understand. So as a parent myself, if it’s between listening to the advice of someone without a child versus someone with a child..
You better believe I’m going to other parent for advice first.
People (like myself before being a parent) underestimate just how selfless you have to be when you’re a parent,
Sprained your ankle but its your day to watch your toddler because your partner works and there’s no other child care options? guess you’re hobbling on one leg all day AND changing diapers.
Don’t even get me started on how free time to destress just no longer exists for you when you’re a working parent
I could tell you how to not treat your child. or that if they cry or are upset to give them a hug just listen to them.
don’t berate them and make it worse. but what do i know? i was a kid once who hated being treated like i was some idiot.
As a parent, my kids have plenty of child free aunties and uncles, many have either babysitting experience or work or volunteer with kids, or just don’t want kids at all. They give good advice especially since they don’t start with “You should hit them” like too many birth parents do.Â
this is absolutely true. BUT tbh some of y’all legitimately have your heads super far up your own asses about the actual value of your parenting advice as people without children, and often speak from a position of ignorance and superiority rather than actual knowledge or desire to help.
i know because i used to be the exact same way and i can see my old self reflected in most “parenting advice” comments i read on reddit outside of the actual communities dedicated to it. stuff like saying kids just need to be hit more is a SUPER common bit of “advice” that gets thrown around both online and irl.
it actually really reminds me of how the vast majority of health “advice” for losing weight that you find from people online is just thinly veiled nuance-less posturing and oversimplification like “just eat less”. like obviously that’s the root of the problem, but surprise surprise – it’s not really all that easy for the majority of people struggling with their weight, and if it *was* that easy to solve then it wouldn’t be a public health crisis in the first place. same with the parenting issues we see these days.
people like to view systemic problems as individual failings alone and that is exactly why the problems persist.
lol. I thought the same thing. I gave advice before I became a parent. Ego. Then I had a kid. And advice from people that don’t have kids or ever cared for a kid will likely go in and out.
Like anyone who’s never been in a relationship giving relationship advice. Me. Like me.
There is certain wisdom that only comes from certain experience, certainly, but that doesn’t mean that *all* relevant wisdom will come from that experience. There are things parentless parenting advisors (and relationshipless relationship advisors) won’t know and won’t get, but that doesn’t mean there’s no help to be offered.
I think it depends on the advice. Unsolicited advice, no matter if you have kids or not, is never welcome.
I think it depends. By all means, if I am doing something that your mom did and it made you hate her, please tell me. But if you have never had your own newborn or you are not a healthcare provider who regularly works with newborns, I do not want your newborn advice.
Unless said person is child behavioral health psychologist, school teacher, or something. That’s gonna be a no from me.
I mean I’m not a medical doctor. I’m allowed to tell you what I think about treating your illness, but it might not be smart to listen.
I believe you can offer your advice without just bombarding people with your unsolicited opinion. I will listen just because I enjoy other perspectives, but there are limitations. There are some things you won’t truly be able to give advice on unless you actually have kids or have taken care of kids.
Yeah, and I could offer a millionaire financial advice. If that millionaire happens to be a hedge fund manager who’s been in the game for decades, she or he prolly doesn’t need my advice. But if it’s my trifling as cousin who just won a lottery, I’m sitting down with cuzzo and explaining why he shouldn’t start any type of restaurant, club, or record label.
My point: her statement is too abstract to be controversial or insightful.
“You should try turning off all the lights and putting a white noise machine” gee thanks bud. I personally get tired of hearing this type of common sense basic knowledge from the non parents. The only people who have given me great advice were other parents themselves and grandparents.
My wife has been a teacher for over 15 years and a masters in special education. I volunteered and worked at nonprofits with kids for nearly a decade. The number of times someone has told my wife specifically that she didn’t understand what parents go through is crazy. She comes home drained and fretting about kids in her class more than some of their parents.
People always look for disqualifiers. It’s easy to find reason to dismiss a good point that challenges you rather than reconsider. Some parents are absolutely trash at it. Some people choose not to have kids on purpose because it’s not a good time to fold a kid into their lives. That type of responsibility can be a mark of good and thoughtful parenting even without kids.
Why must everything be so black/white? How about we just use a little nuance when getting advice?
Like, if someone without kids tells me one thing but someone who’s actually gone thru the experience of having kids tells me something else, don’t I weigh the actual experience more? Like, I’m not saying the first person is automatically wrong, but I’m def taking the person who’s actually raised kids opinion with more weight, no?
I distinctly remember being a teenager and warning several adults about the stuff I caught their kids watching on YouTube, wherein I then explained to them why the for Kids label is for practical show and that the platform can’t keep people from making the abhorrent shit their kids were watching. Coincedentally, the ‘reckless’ and ‘disrespectful’ behaviour that they had *no* idea *where* their kids could’ve gotten it from decreased exponentially once they got strict about screentime and what’s allowed to be watched in it. Then there’s several moments where I had to explain what kids meant and bridge the generational gap, provide some insight on what their kid might’ve meant, or where they might’ve been influenced by something, or even explaining what my thought process was when I was at the same age.
Not that it’s always true, but maybe when people say that they’re the best parents ever before they actually become a parent has some truth to it. I’m sure that everything is different when you’re in the trenches and it’s easier to see what needs to be addressed when you’re not so close to someone.
I think within reason. For example I babysat a lot growing up. And a friend of nine had a baby and was never around babies. Her daughter would baby talk and she wouldn’t acknowledge her. And one time she was babbling and so I had a little conversation with her. And my friend was like how do you know what to say and I sad well it’s about like engaging and inflection and just helping her interact. Then she would talk back to her so I felt like that was helpful. But other than that i am not a parent so i wouldn’t give advice but i can be helpful
And on the flip side, people WITH children can absolutely give you really shitty parenting advice.